I've contracted the plague...!
Unfortunately this is just about the last nail in the coffin for me running at Ben Brown in two weeks. Prognosis is also uncertain for Oxy Distance Carnival. Time passes both so slowly and so quickly, since November I've just been trying to hold it together for these races, just trying to remain healthy and log some base miles so I could open the season with a solid 5K, and it seemed like forever, so many weeks to NOT screw up, so many weeks to put it all together, but now I'm here, flat on my back with an icepack on my forehead and a cup of tea under my nose, and these races are about to pass me by. When it all crashes, it crashes so fast.
Goals for the week: cure the plague, re-work the training plan, optimistically get some light jogging in if health permits. I'll hopefully also be armed with new allergy medication and test results from all of the doctor appointments. The battle may be lost, but the war can still be won--I will conquer this.
Sunday - Tuesday 02/25 - 02/27: off. Feel like crap. Headache and fever are main symptoms, developed cough on Monday, basically bedridden with chills and feeling progressively worse on Tuesday. I don't like this...
Wednesday 02/28: Couldn't make it through the day without some Tylenol Cold. Still dying... oh, please won't somebody save me....
Thursday 03/01: Finally feeling better, headache gone, but still a lot of coughing. Whole chest area is sore from coughing. Hurts to swallow, but managed some solid foods today.
Also, calamity of the world! Stepped on the scale today, and to my horror, I've gained 4 pounds! Apparently ice cream for 3 meals a day is not a good idea. What a disaster...
Friday 03/02: Went to the doctor, the plague is NOT strep, thank goodness. Also, no major diseases, so apparently I'm still stuck with the allergies. Still a prohibitive degree of coughing, taking one last day off.
Revised training plan (with Peter, only moderate arguing :)) for new target race: Oxy invite on 5/12. Should be far enough away, barring any more catastrophes in the interim. FYI, biting off more than I can chew: I may need to start getting over my distaste for being last, starting now... the slowest person last year was 19:34, and she was last by like almost 30 seconds. meh.
Saturday 03/03: 23 miles, biking with Peter, around Rose Bowl with one loop in the hills by Art Center. Ran into Sladek and Ruby. Nice roads, but felt like drowning, better after first 45 minutes. Wish I didn't have this cough, and that I remembered how to drink while riding... but felt good to get out there, fun.
I want to be healthy so, so, much.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Monday, February 19, 2007
Week of 02/18/2007 - 02/24/2007 (Base Phase, training block 2, Week A, take two)
Here we go now.
I still don't know exactly what to make of all of my persistent running and non running related illnesses, but somehow I've got to get back on the ball before everything falls apart. The important races are less than a month away now, and I gotta do everything I can to be prepared. Honestly though, I'm just scared and frustrated. I don't understand what's wrong with my body and I think that's worse than knowing what something is and that it's fixable, even if that process takes a long time.
Sunday 02/18: off. Making the long drive back from AZ. It just all hurts, everything from my face to my arch. Forgot to wear the sock. Arghhhh.
Monday 02/19: ~9 miles, 1:30-ish total adventure run in the mountains with the Brain. Intended: Mt. Lukens to the summit, Actual: got lost immediately, descended pleasantly for 30 minutes before realizing we missed our turn off.
Detoured up a steep little trail and explored along the ridge. Rugged and beautiful, but also steep and narrow with harrowing drop-offs, almost peed my pants. Dying hazard = Extremely High. Hardest climb I've ever done, was maybe 18 minutes at most, but thought I would go into cardiac arrest. 35 minute climb back UP to the starting point was miserable. Legs felt okay, but the running system felt bad. Breathing out of control, heartrate probably also out of control, kind of felt like drowning. I just need consistent training... arrrrrghhhhhhhhh......
Tuesday 02/20: 6.25 miles, 56 minutes, slowest I've ever done this run, but heartrate spiked anyways. I've always had this intuitive sense that I have an above averagely weak cardiovascular system, but its sort of discouraging to see an actual number quantifying that... like it stresses my heart so much to do a slow run, I can't imagine how I'm ever going to run any faster.
Wednesday 02/21: ~5 miles, 47 minutes at enforced heart rate of 145-155 around South Fields in Nike Frees. I guess 5 miles might actually be generous on this one, sooooo slow. Exercise in patience, may have achieved a state of zen by the end. Saw Mark and Ian doing miles, so jealous.
Thursday 02/21: ~7 miles, 1 hour random Pasadena, started with team, tried to do 6 x 3 on, 2 off but felt like crap, then right quad started cramping, had to jog back home. Total disaster. There's just something really wrong with my body, and I can feel it, but its not entirely clear what the issue is. Going to the doctor tomorrow.
Friday 02/22: off. Spent all day at the doctor, felt pretty crappy. Lets hope I'll find out what's wrong with me next week. meh.
Saturday 02/23: 6 miles, 62 minutes around North Fields in Nike Frees at enforced heartrate of 140, felt like 10 minute miles, then 4 striders, felt great. Arches are starting to feel a lot stronger, no pain since Monday, good to do jogging in Frees on grass. Now if I can just fix the rest of my body... I could be headed for some training sometime soon :).
Target Mileage: 40 Miles
Week to date: 33.25 Miles
Last Week: 29.8 Miles
I don't know if I can even do any real workouts this week. I just want to be un-sick and un-broken :'(
I still don't know exactly what to make of all of my persistent running and non running related illnesses, but somehow I've got to get back on the ball before everything falls apart. The important races are less than a month away now, and I gotta do everything I can to be prepared. Honestly though, I'm just scared and frustrated. I don't understand what's wrong with my body and I think that's worse than knowing what something is and that it's fixable, even if that process takes a long time.
Sunday 02/18: off. Making the long drive back from AZ. It just all hurts, everything from my face to my arch. Forgot to wear the sock. Arghhhh.
Monday 02/19: ~9 miles, 1:30-ish total adventure run in the mountains with the Brain. Intended: Mt. Lukens to the summit, Actual: got lost immediately, descended pleasantly for 30 minutes before realizing we missed our turn off.
Detoured up a steep little trail and explored along the ridge. Rugged and beautiful, but also steep and narrow with harrowing drop-offs, almost peed my pants. Dying hazard = Extremely High. Hardest climb I've ever done, was maybe 18 minutes at most, but thought I would go into cardiac arrest. 35 minute climb back UP to the starting point was miserable. Legs felt okay, but the running system felt bad. Breathing out of control, heartrate probably also out of control, kind of felt like drowning. I just need consistent training... arrrrrghhhhhhhhh......
Tuesday 02/20: 6.25 miles, 56 minutes, slowest I've ever done this run, but heartrate spiked anyways. I've always had this intuitive sense that I have an above averagely weak cardiovascular system, but its sort of discouraging to see an actual number quantifying that... like it stresses my heart so much to do a slow run, I can't imagine how I'm ever going to run any faster.
Wednesday 02/21: ~5 miles, 47 minutes at enforced heart rate of 145-155 around South Fields in Nike Frees. I guess 5 miles might actually be generous on this one, sooooo slow. Exercise in patience, may have achieved a state of zen by the end. Saw Mark and Ian doing miles, so jealous.
Thursday 02/21: ~7 miles, 1 hour random Pasadena, started with team, tried to do 6 x 3 on, 2 off but felt like crap, then right quad started cramping, had to jog back home. Total disaster. There's just something really wrong with my body, and I can feel it, but its not entirely clear what the issue is. Going to the doctor tomorrow.
Friday 02/22: off. Spent all day at the doctor, felt pretty crappy. Lets hope I'll find out what's wrong with me next week. meh.
Saturday 02/23: 6 miles, 62 minutes around North Fields in Nike Frees at enforced heartrate of 140, felt like 10 minute miles, then 4 striders, felt great. Arches are starting to feel a lot stronger, no pain since Monday, good to do jogging in Frees on grass. Now if I can just fix the rest of my body... I could be headed for some training sometime soon :).
Target Mileage: 40 Miles
Week to date: 33.25 Miles
Last Week: 29.8 Miles
I don't know if I can even do any real workouts this week. I just want to be un-sick and un-broken :'(
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Week of 02/11/2007 - 02/17/2007 (Base Phase block 2 Week A)
Don't be a pussy.
Advice given to me prior to a XC race last fall. Advice that needs to be given to me now. After weekend of debacles, now is the time to keep my head in the game and get it together. Just focus and do what you need to do to get better. Except, I'm not entirely sure WHAT that is. How do you you fix something you don't understand--for example, WHY I am suddenly allergic to the entire world? I have eye drops, nose spray, antihistamine cream, tablets, antibiotics... I'm basically a freaking walking pharmacy and still I feel like crap at least half of every day lately. Everybody just keeps throwing drugs at me, but no one can tell me what the root of the problem is!
I feel like at this point my life could just be declared a success if I could just NOT live in fear of what part of my body will inexplicably become inflamed and infected and swollen on THIS day. How am I supposed to train and be an athlete, if I can't manage to be a healthy human being? What the hell did I do to deserve this!?
Sunday 02/11: off. Eyes swollen shut, miserable.
Monday 02/12: ~8.8 miles, 1:17:32 easy Huntington medians followed by 5 laps of the North Field. Therapeutic easy run, goal was to run for 75 minutes, not stressed about pacing, mostly on grass. Distance uncertain, don't really care. Totally calm today, felt good, liked the gradual hill on Los Robles, just needed a day to cleanse all of the angst and want to run again.
Tuesday 02/13: more medical problems... this week is turning into a disaster, and its only tuesday!
Wednesday 02/14: ~8.5 miles, oh holy crap... disaster! Aborted 3 x arroyo tempo loops. Became 1.5 x arroyo tempo loops. L arch hurts intensely... heart rate alarmingly high, aborted on second loop after cramping, limping, and heartrate pushing 190... just not worth it. There's something seriously, seriously wrong with my whole body, even after some slow shuffling, my heartrate still wouldn't go under 167 the entire way home. Oh, dear...
Thursday 02/15: off. plantar fasciitis has reared its ugly head again.. what to do, what to do... starting wearing the magic sock again.
Friday 02/16: ~12.5 miles, 1:44:33 fantastic uncharted, uncertain distance run in the Arizona desert. Dirt roads all the way into the hills, until I heard some gunfire... apparently thats what people do out in the middle of nowhere--shoot things. Perfect, packed but soft sand for miles and miles, strong breeze offset the sunny and hot. Kind of like Hesperia but less hilly. This is the perfect surface for my embattled arches, feet didn't hurt at all on this run, miraculously.
Saturday 02/17: off. Non plantar fasciitis related medical problems. Eyes swollen shut again. This seriously, seriously needs to go away IMMEDIATELY.
Target Mileage: 40 Miles
Week Actual: 29.8 Miles
Last Week: 33.45 Miles
One year I was fast running 30 miles a week. If I can just average 40 miles a week until May, there's just got to be one non-embarassing 5K in there for me this season... there just HAS to be...
...or I could spend the rest of my life being riddled with disease and never be fast again. We'll see which it will be.
Advice given to me prior to a XC race last fall. Advice that needs to be given to me now. After weekend of debacles, now is the time to keep my head in the game and get it together. Just focus and do what you need to do to get better. Except, I'm not entirely sure WHAT that is. How do you you fix something you don't understand--for example, WHY I am suddenly allergic to the entire world? I have eye drops, nose spray, antihistamine cream, tablets, antibiotics... I'm basically a freaking walking pharmacy and still I feel like crap at least half of every day lately. Everybody just keeps throwing drugs at me, but no one can tell me what the root of the problem is!
I feel like at this point my life could just be declared a success if I could just NOT live in fear of what part of my body will inexplicably become inflamed and infected and swollen on THIS day. How am I supposed to train and be an athlete, if I can't manage to be a healthy human being? What the hell did I do to deserve this!?
Sunday 02/11: off. Eyes swollen shut, miserable.
Monday 02/12: ~8.8 miles, 1:17:32 easy Huntington medians followed by 5 laps of the North Field. Therapeutic easy run, goal was to run for 75 minutes, not stressed about pacing, mostly on grass. Distance uncertain, don't really care. Totally calm today, felt good, liked the gradual hill on Los Robles, just needed a day to cleanse all of the angst and want to run again.
Tuesday 02/13: more medical problems... this week is turning into a disaster, and its only tuesday!
Wednesday 02/14: ~8.5 miles, oh holy crap... disaster! Aborted 3 x arroyo tempo loops. Became 1.5 x arroyo tempo loops. L arch hurts intensely... heart rate alarmingly high, aborted on second loop after cramping, limping, and heartrate pushing 190... just not worth it. There's something seriously, seriously wrong with my whole body, even after some slow shuffling, my heartrate still wouldn't go under 167 the entire way home. Oh, dear...
Thursday 02/15: off. plantar fasciitis has reared its ugly head again.. what to do, what to do... starting wearing the magic sock again.
Friday 02/16: ~12.5 miles, 1:44:33 fantastic uncharted, uncertain distance run in the Arizona desert. Dirt roads all the way into the hills, until I heard some gunfire... apparently thats what people do out in the middle of nowhere--shoot things. Perfect, packed but soft sand for miles and miles, strong breeze offset the sunny and hot. Kind of like Hesperia but less hilly. This is the perfect surface for my embattled arches, feet didn't hurt at all on this run, miraculously.
Saturday 02/17: off. Non plantar fasciitis related medical problems. Eyes swollen shut again. This seriously, seriously needs to go away IMMEDIATELY.
Target Mileage: 40 Miles
Week Actual: 29.8 Miles
Last Week: 33.45 Miles
One year I was fast running 30 miles a week. If I can just average 40 miles a week until May, there's just got to be one non-embarassing 5K in there for me this season... there just HAS to be...
...or I could spend the rest of my life being riddled with disease and never be fast again. We'll see which it will be.
Monday, February 5, 2007
Week of 02/04/2007 - 02/10/2007 (Base Phase - Rest Cycle Week)
This saturday marks the 2 year anniversary of the only race I am somewhat proud of.
I was reflecting on this the other day and realized that this is incredibly sad. I had my only good race after about 1 year of running, and then have just been going through repeated cycles of injury, overtraining, stupid training, and disappointed expectations for 2 years. Looking back, this race changed my life... this was the turning point, when I stopped thinking of myself as a hopeless case, and started thinking of myself as someone with a mild degree of potential.
Prior to then, I thought of myself as someone who would be lucky, in her lifetime ever to break 20 minutes for a 5K. I imagined that one day, I would once run 19:59.9 and then move happily and directly into retirement. Then one day in February I ran 5:46 for a mile (a PR by 18 seconds) and 11:26 for a 3K (a PR by 1 minute and 5 seconds) at a tiny pre-season meet at Caltech. I closed the last lap in 86 seconds, drawing even with the leader coming into the last straightaway, and lost a sprint finish in a moment of weakness in the last 20 meters or so. This must have been the only race in my life where my last lap was my fastest, and I felt strangely fine--fine despite losing a sprint finish and having run a hard mile an hour or two before, fine enough to be chided that one should not be smiling when one crosses the finish line... but it was absurd to me at the time that I should even BE a participant in a sprint finish, and absurd to me that I was on pace for a 19:04 5K with ease through 7.5 laps... it as absurd enough to be completely hilarious.
But that race forever altered my perception of "fast" and "slow" and where I fell in that spectrum. This was my first race of my second track season ever as a distance runner... and surely 2 more months of training, some intervals, some long runs and minus a mile race prior to my event, surely a 19:15 - 19:30 5K was easily within the limits of what I could do. If this was me in my second year of running, I saw myself eventually running 19:00, 18:45, 18:30. A tiny flicker of potential had opened up a Pandora's box of expectations.
I don't think I ever really recovered from the disappointment that followed in that season. I trained myself into the ground, and could barely race my first and only 5K that year. Now the demons born of the disparity between perceived potential and actual achievements follow me every step of every run, the weight of disappointment and the pressure of redemption pound in my head every time I take the starting line.
I want this to be the year to leave that all behind. I realize that its less about needing a big PR to exorcize the demons, and more that I need a paradigm shift in terms of how I view running and racing and myself.
Sunday 02/04: ~10 miles, 1:26:21 in Hesperia with CMS girls team. Sunny but windy, fantastic dirt trails on rolling hills going on almost indefinitely. 4100 feet of elevation, felt somewhat worn out, but probably less to do with altitude and more to do with legs being tired. Easy 46 minutes out, 40 minutes back, refrained from pushing the pace. Stomach hurt last few miles. Goldhammer wouldn't let us run the 4 extra minutes, so doesn't meet the > 90 minutes criteria for a long run. *Consternation*
Monday 02/05: Off day today. 9 hours of sleep, so good! Throat felt scratchy in the morning, but mostly gone now. Slightly concerned.
Tuesday 02/06: 8 miles, 26 minutes warm up with Mark and Ian, 11 x 200m @ 5K goal pace with 200m jog rest, 4 x 100m striders on grass, 24 minutes cooldown with Ian. Core strengthening, bench at gym after. More talking than training today, great to see everyone.
41, 46, 44, 44, 43, 45, 45, 44, (mystery), 42, 39. Forgot to run the watch on the 9th one, had to do an extra. Presumably this is a neuromuscular workout, so really tried to focus on form and turnover. Felt crappy on warm up, 200's were comfortable, then felt better on the cooldown.
Generally feel tired and flat, despite day off. I'm about 4 weeks back from injury now, so by my calculations i *ought* to be starting to feel better right about now. Still feel like I'm behind where I was the week before Christmas, which is really discouraging.
Wednesday 02/07: 6.25 miles, 51:08 easy on Huntington. Running at night, kind of distracted, took a nasty spill on concrete about 1.5 miles in, not exactly sure what caused it, but fell on my face--literally. Skinned R knee, R elbow, nose. Really sad. Ran a little bit faster after that because bleeding and wanted to get home quicker.
Thursday 02/08: R knee swelled up and painful to bend. No running... arrrrghhhh....
Friday 02/09: 5.2 miles, 45:08 up and down Orange Grove also at night. Felt really really crappy for about 2 miles, then slightly better after that. L arch is tight, R knee is sore, breathing is choppy. Eyes are really really infected, hard to see...
Saturday 02/10: 4 miles total, 2 miles warm up, 3K race (11:57, on pace for ~800m then complete and total implosion... gave up on the last 2 laps, got passed by like 5 people in that span), 200m sprint to undisclosed location, 20 minutes of crying, 1 hour of staring blankly into space, then straight home without cooling down.
People think I'm like this crazy, insanely driven and motivated person, but there are some days where even I think that no matter what I do, apparently it doesn't make a difference anyways, so why bother. Apparently my career peak was the first race of my second track season ever and I will spend all of eternity not even coming within 30 seconds of that. In the words of Steve Slattery, "fuck this shit". Seriously.
Target Mileage: 30-35 Miles
Week Actual: 33.45 Miles
Last Week: 46.35 Miles
Adopting the training block system where every few weeks there is a recovery week. This is my first "recovery" week... we'll see how it goes.
I was reflecting on this the other day and realized that this is incredibly sad. I had my only good race after about 1 year of running, and then have just been going through repeated cycles of injury, overtraining, stupid training, and disappointed expectations for 2 years. Looking back, this race changed my life... this was the turning point, when I stopped thinking of myself as a hopeless case, and started thinking of myself as someone with a mild degree of potential.
Prior to then, I thought of myself as someone who would be lucky, in her lifetime ever to break 20 minutes for a 5K. I imagined that one day, I would once run 19:59.9 and then move happily and directly into retirement. Then one day in February I ran 5:46 for a mile (a PR by 18 seconds) and 11:26 for a 3K (a PR by 1 minute and 5 seconds) at a tiny pre-season meet at Caltech. I closed the last lap in 86 seconds, drawing even with the leader coming into the last straightaway, and lost a sprint finish in a moment of weakness in the last 20 meters or so. This must have been the only race in my life where my last lap was my fastest, and I felt strangely fine--fine despite losing a sprint finish and having run a hard mile an hour or two before, fine enough to be chided that one should not be smiling when one crosses the finish line... but it was absurd to me at the time that I should even BE a participant in a sprint finish, and absurd to me that I was on pace for a 19:04 5K with ease through 7.5 laps... it as absurd enough to be completely hilarious.
But that race forever altered my perception of "fast" and "slow" and where I fell in that spectrum. This was my first race of my second track season ever as a distance runner... and surely 2 more months of training, some intervals, some long runs and minus a mile race prior to my event, surely a 19:15 - 19:30 5K was easily within the limits of what I could do. If this was me in my second year of running, I saw myself eventually running 19:00, 18:45, 18:30. A tiny flicker of potential had opened up a Pandora's box of expectations.
I don't think I ever really recovered from the disappointment that followed in that season. I trained myself into the ground, and could barely race my first and only 5K that year. Now the demons born of the disparity between perceived potential and actual achievements follow me every step of every run, the weight of disappointment and the pressure of redemption pound in my head every time I take the starting line.
I want this to be the year to leave that all behind. I realize that its less about needing a big PR to exorcize the demons, and more that I need a paradigm shift in terms of how I view running and racing and myself.
Sunday 02/04: ~10 miles, 1:26:21 in Hesperia with CMS girls team. Sunny but windy, fantastic dirt trails on rolling hills going on almost indefinitely. 4100 feet of elevation, felt somewhat worn out, but probably less to do with altitude and more to do with legs being tired. Easy 46 minutes out, 40 minutes back, refrained from pushing the pace. Stomach hurt last few miles. Goldhammer wouldn't let us run the 4 extra minutes, so doesn't meet the > 90 minutes criteria for a long run. *Consternation*
Monday 02/05: Off day today. 9 hours of sleep, so good! Throat felt scratchy in the morning, but mostly gone now. Slightly concerned.
Tuesday 02/06: 8 miles, 26 minutes warm up with Mark and Ian, 11 x 200m @ 5K goal pace with 200m jog rest, 4 x 100m striders on grass, 24 minutes cooldown with Ian. Core strengthening, bench at gym after. More talking than training today, great to see everyone.
41, 46, 44, 44, 43, 45, 45, 44, (mystery), 42, 39. Forgot to run the watch on the 9th one, had to do an extra. Presumably this is a neuromuscular workout, so really tried to focus on form and turnover. Felt crappy on warm up, 200's were comfortable, then felt better on the cooldown.
Generally feel tired and flat, despite day off. I'm about 4 weeks back from injury now, so by my calculations i *ought* to be starting to feel better right about now. Still feel like I'm behind where I was the week before Christmas, which is really discouraging.
Wednesday 02/07: 6.25 miles, 51:08 easy on Huntington. Running at night, kind of distracted, took a nasty spill on concrete about 1.5 miles in, not exactly sure what caused it, but fell on my face--literally. Skinned R knee, R elbow, nose. Really sad. Ran a little bit faster after that because bleeding and wanted to get home quicker.
Thursday 02/08: R knee swelled up and painful to bend. No running... arrrrghhhh....
Friday 02/09: 5.2 miles, 45:08 up and down Orange Grove also at night. Felt really really crappy for about 2 miles, then slightly better after that. L arch is tight, R knee is sore, breathing is choppy. Eyes are really really infected, hard to see...
Saturday 02/10: 4 miles total, 2 miles warm up, 3K race (11:57, on pace for ~800m then complete and total implosion... gave up on the last 2 laps, got passed by like 5 people in that span), 200m sprint to undisclosed location, 20 minutes of crying, 1 hour of staring blankly into space, then straight home without cooling down.
People think I'm like this crazy, insanely driven and motivated person, but there are some days where even I think that no matter what I do, apparently it doesn't make a difference anyways, so why bother. Apparently my career peak was the first race of my second track season ever and I will spend all of eternity not even coming within 30 seconds of that. In the words of Steve Slattery, "fuck this shit". Seriously.
Target Mileage: 30-35 Miles
Week Actual: 33.45 Miles
Last Week: 46.35 Miles
Adopting the training block system where every few weeks there is a recovery week. This is my first "recovery" week... we'll see how it goes.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)