Where do bad runs go when they die?
They don't go to heaven where the angels fly... The question is though, do they actually end up in the Long Term Fitness Bank as debits or credits? I feel like we're conditioned to believe that the more pain you put in, the more speed you get out... but lately, I'm really not so sure.
Conventional wisdom says that you just have to maintain X amount of effort for Y number of minutes and it deposits into some long term fitness reserve... regardless of the speed at which that particular day's workout occurred, but the problem I have is that there are days that just don't fit that mold. There are days where no amount of slow makes it feel any less like dying... or no amount of effort makes the tempo run any faster, or where you simply don't even think your weary sleep deprived body will make it Y number of minutes at ANY effort level.
These sorts of scenarios didn't used to occur very frequently, but in my present state, they seem to occur alarmingly often... and so I find myself facing this question over and over again lately. I am the Queen of Long and Grueling, so if one day in the future, it will help me, then I'm willing to get through the bad runs, whatever it takes. The thing is, sometimes I wonder if you only dig your hole deeper. What if "getting through it" is what steadily creates a fatigue accumulation from which it takes longer and longer for your body to recover? Maybe there's an opportunity cost to obstinacy. I wish that some day I'll know when to suck it up and absorb the extra day off, or the one missed workout here and there such that I don't suddenly crash and require entire weeks worth of crappy slow runs just to get back to normal.
Sunday 06/15: 1:16:56, RB perimeter starting from California. Argh. Tired and hot. Hips, hamstrings sore, felt marginally better towards the end. About 10 minutes in, I distinctly felt that 1) I was really really thirsty and 2) I couldn't really imagine how I was going to get through the rest of this run. Then about 30 minutes in, R Plantar Fascia began to complain increasingly loudly. Sucked. Too exhausted to do anything else.
Monday 06/16: Off, shots. Insomnia continues. Exhausted, mentally.
Tuesday 06/17: 54:54, warm up, 4 x 800m with 1 lap jog rest, cool down. Kind of a "blah" workout, not horrible, but on the worse end of what I expected. I guess if the goal was to keep the 20 x 200m pace, I told myself I'd be okay with anything in the 3:20 range (assuming we stick to the base model of 50 s 200s) but I guess to be quite honest, what I primarily felt about the result was disappointment: 3:18 (96, 102), 3:20 (100, 100), 3:19 (100, 99), 3:19 (100, 99).
I guess that's kind of the trouble with setting time goals at all. 0:50/200m was an artificial construct to begin with, something that I backed out of the fact that the only guidance I got for this workout was that it was supposed to teach me to run tempo pace again, so I said, say 13:20 is a halfway decent 3 x 2 mile pace, which is the bulk of my upper threshold training, so 13:20/16 = 0:50. The problem is that it's really easy to run a little under 50's... a bit harder to run a little under 3:20, probably even harder to run a little under 6:40... and frankly right now, 13:20 for 2 miles is probably my all-out, dying pace. But the point is, that once you set a precedent of "beating" the goal times, its not very satisfying to run the goal times.
The other thing is that one could fundamentally question whether it was even fair of me to set this as "goal pace". 6:45 was once my tempo pace, but that was after 2 years of hard work and much more intense training than what I'm doing now. I guess if I'm honest with myself, even while knowing that the point of it is to practice running 100 second laps, I didn't WANT that. What I wanted was some indication that 100 second laps would start to feel like a pedestrian pace sometime SOONER rather than later, and needless to say, I didn't get that. Logically, I'm not even sure why I expected to get that.
I'm reminded now about a blog that Sara Hall wrote about the value of being able to have a short term memory. Sometimes, you need a short term memory in order to have mental health, and you need mental health in order to be the best you can be in the future. I know that the bulk of the disgruntlement that I feel about my training these days is because every step of the way from here until "where I used to be" feels excruciatingly like remedial math. No one WANTS to be in remedial math, when their classmates are in Calculus. Unfortunately, it's still not easy to cheerfully accept remedial math, even if you know its good for you.
Wednesday 06/18: 45:19, Monterrey to bridge. Sleeping problems continue, part of it is that it's still hot at night, part of it is that my mental state basically resembles a jungle and a quagmire... woke up late this morning and it was hot and I was massively dehydrated. I've learned better how to manage such situations, but I've concluded that I still don't enjoy them. Drank 3 glasses of water afterwards and still didn't feel quite right. Was also vaguely troubled by the fact that I used to be absolutely horrified that this run took 44 minutes when I was tired... but lately 45 and 46 minute performances have crept up... I almost want to gmaps it to know once and for all how bad the damage is. But must think short term memory, short term memory, short term memory.
Thursday 06/19: 45:22, Huntington/Virginia disaster. This is a run that might have been a good run, but one in which circumstances, unfortunately had other plans. Insomnia continues, resulting in waking up late, which pushed this run over into the evening (which I dislike to begin with). Add to that the fact that the thermometer was still having trouble dipping under 90, and having consumed about the greasiest cheesiest lunch one could imagine. I was already feeling sick after lunch, and running in the heat after that... I simply can't remember any other run that I've done where I was trying to shove down the violent urge to hurl every step of the way. Given that, I really just wanted to be done with this ASAP, so I thought that I was hurrying the best I could, and was honestly bowled over to see the time... it did NOT feel like I was going THAT slow, goodness gracious. Skipped the striders because I was absolutely sure I would hurl if I tried. Just wanted to be invisible, it was so awful. Screw all of this positive thinking crap. It just sucked.
Friday 06/20: Off, shots. Still feeling generally irate today. It's a combination of the sleeping problems and life problems. Oh, and it being 105 degrees every damn day. Argh.
Saturday 06/21: 2:04:20, 32.8 miles on the bike. Heat wave and sleep deprivation continue. Did not feel like running at all. Instead, had a nice breakfast of french toast with Cupcake and talked a lot about math. By 5 pm I felt inspired to ride, and so I did. Initially figured I would do an hour or so, just to get the legs moving, but ended up staying out there for 2 hours, trying to find my peace. 8 laps around the RB, pretty slow ~16 mph, but really enjoyed it. Forgot how different the bike is. It felt like the polar opposite of running, my legs were burning with the unfamiliar exhaustion, but no matter how hard I pushed, I didn't breathe hard at all, it was so strange, I had to sing along to my ipod bc I didn't know what to do with all of this breath. Legs were thoroughly, thoroughly worn out by the end, but I think it did my soul some good.
Goals: Judging from Sunday's run, I don't really think my body found last week very restful. Argh. This week will have to be played by ear.
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