The Only Fred in San Diego
There are no embarassing people in San Diego. Its downright mind boggling... the fat ones, the old ones, the ones dressed in horrifying non athlete "exercise" gear... even these all have some basic level of proficiency. For some reason, you just don't see the types that creak around the Rose Bowl at 10 mph, or the ones that huff and puff up small inclines. Where do they all go? Probably to the Rose Bowl... *sigh*.
The only Fred in SD has trundled back to the land of her kind, and has to admit that she is glad. When you're just down and out for the count, its just more comforting to know that you're not the only one... rather than to have a 300 lb guy in bright red spandex go barreling past you as you struggle through your pre-base miles... wondering what it felt like to ride without wheezing.
Sunday 07/08: ~27 miles, 1:52, 14.4 mph average along the 101 up to Carlsbad from Solano beach with Peter, KB, Ian. Nice, not as hilly as yesterday's ride, but my body was just falling apart. Side stitch, stomach ache, kinda just felt groggy. I guess yesterday's ride was kind of like a shock to the system, both physically and emotionally. Yummy dinner with the crew afterwards and chocolate pretzels!
Monday 07/09: Off, swamped with errands and stuff that didn't get done this weekend. PT in the morning, grueling as usual but happy that the toe felt pretty good (wasn't feeling great after heels at the wedding). The trouble is that a lot of this balancing stuff is quad-intensive, and for a person who hasn't really moved in 2 months, this is taxing. Plus lunges... I kinda wish I didn't have to do these... but oh, well. I guess my knees have been feeling a bit tentative from the cycling, so I suppose its good for me.
Tuesday 07/10: 30.35 miles, 2:03:49, 14.7 mph average. Despite inauspicious beginnings, had a fantastic ride including ~3 miles of climbing! Slept through the morning and woke up in a panic, so had to go after work... headed to the Rose Bowl in time to almost get flattened by the Rose Bowl Ride. Quickly fled into the hills to avoid *that* ass-kicking.
Rode to the base of the 2, and found some short hills to practice climbing. Did a few circuits of that area before vaguely considering attempting Clear Creek, but decided that was a poor choice given that I had been thoroughly vanquished by the 1 mile long Torrey Pines hill a few days previously. Instead explored further west, ended up on Verdugo, which I rode down to the Chevy Chase intersection and headed back up to Berkshire. Chevy Chase coming back up was mercifully not very steep, though there was a good ~2 mile section that was fairly taxing to my dilapidated self. Still, a massive improvement over a few days ago. Got back after dark and felt uncharacterisitically chipper about my training prognosis.
Two key learnings from today: 1) it sure is nice to ride not at the Rose Bowl... I'm kind of getting burnt out on the RB... hoping to be able to try Clear Creek this weekend. 2) I realized that I'm really, really a major headcase... probably even more about training than racing, which is retarded but its just the way I am. The thing that made today's ride good and fun and productive was that after I left the RB, I barely saw any other cyclists. Without people to make me feel slow, I was able to relax, and work at things in a more peaceful mindset. What I found was that once I got over the initial panic of "holy shit this hurts so much more than it ever has before... even though I'm going 5 mph" the climbing wasn't so bad. I remembered how to just dig in and keep at it, and it was fine... way slower than before, but it was manageable. What happened in SD was like, I totally panicked when I realized how hard it was relative to what I remember climbing to be like, and then when people started to pass me, all the blood just rushed to my head, and panic ran together with consternation and emotional upsetness, and my body's response to the sudden rush of negative emotional output was to hyperventilate, which made everything worse.
I don't know how to curb this emotional response. I've always felt really combative towards other people on the road. When I used to run back home in Boston, I ran a lot along the river where the joggers were out in force. I had a rule that no one shall ever pass me on a run... which eventually became, no female shall ever pass me on a run. Some people would sprint intervals between the bridges along the river, and no matter if I was on a 10 mile run, I had to stay ahead of them until they stopped. Every time I sense someone coming up on me, its like the fight or flight response gets triggered, even if I logically know that there are so many other factors involved, and its like who wins the race and not the workout and etc. etc. etc. I really, really KNOW all of that... but it doesn't help. Going out there and being in state where everyone keeps passing you even though you're totally working hard, to me is the emotional equivalent of being clobbered with a baseball bat.
The only other example I can think of is like how in the Pre movie he's doing a running camp for like 5 year old kids, and one of them tries to run ahead of him and Pre is totally not having any of that. In the movie he says "you can't build a losing mentality" and that's the only thing I've ever been able to come up with in terms of justifying how I feel... maybe I need therapy.
Wednesday 07/11: 26 miles, 1:35-ish, 16.2 mph average, 6 laps around the RB in the morning. REALLY did not want to get up and go on this ride. Took a lap to wake up fully... so sleepy and also inadequately recovered from yesterday's ride after 12 hours. Nearly went back to sleep, but PT in the evening so it was now or never. Rewarded myself with the short way home after managing to trundle through this ride. Felt a tiny bit of fatigue, but still managed to pull 16 mph, so I guess its okay. Really looking forwards to hills maybe Chevy Chase again tomorrow (evening!)
PT in the evening = grueling. I really don't understand why I have to do all of this lifting... its like, I feel like this is sprinter stuff. Meanwhile, its like, the ankle and the toe are fine, but now OTHER things hurt... The tendons on the top of my foot feel really taxed, and my R hip cramps when I ride. I kinda don't really want to go anymore... meh, I guess I'll have to ask them to fix it next time.
Thursday 07/12: UGH. DISASTER. Totally awful ride, wanted to have a mental breakdown, but decided to just test a few more factors before freaking out. 17.5 miles, 1:16, basically to the base of the 2 and back. Even before I started, I knew something was not aligned properly in the constellations tonight...
When inflating my tires, I noticed a piece of gunk stuck to my front tire, so I tried to clean it off, but unfortunately it was one of those nasty prickly seed casings that had punctured my tire. When I pulled it out, my tire went PPPPFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTT! as I gawked helplessly... now I can't overemphasize how clueless, incompetent and lacking arm strength I am regarding the maintenance of bikes. I really enjoy riding my bicycle, and I love it very much, but when it comes to caring for it... I'm about as capable as a teenage mom. I've never changed a flat without supervision, and panic was setting in!
Thankfully, I was able to calm down and logically follow the directions printed on the replacement tube box... and mercifully when I inflated the new tire... it did not explode. So off I went, but the rest of the ride didn't go much better. Inauspiciously, didn't make it 500 ft before some sporty old guys passed me. Then by the time I arrived at the Rose Bowl, my legs were just feeling so terrible I really didn't want to go up into the hills, but I didn't have a choice because the Rose Bowl ride was impending. Just couldn't move my legs today, and my R hip was cramping and generally felt awful, so decided to truncate this ride and head home at the base of the 2.
Unfortunately, somehow I managed to jam my chain at the turnaround, and had to get off and puzzle out a way to get this thing unstuck, after which I was just thoroughly disgruntled and covered in grease. Towards the end the burning pain in my legs seems to have subsided, but basically judged that a big ride today was not meant to be and kept on going home, to try again tomorrow.
Felt upset and angry, wanted to blame everything from the grueling-ness of physical therapy, to the fact that I haven't eaten any meat in a really long time... I guess I'll have to toggle some factors in the next week or so, but in the absence of anything I could do immediately to fix this... I just ate 2 sweet potatoes from the farmers market in order to feel happy again.
Friday 07/13: Friday the 13th!!! Not a good day. Took day off from riding to rest, mentally and physically. Went to PT, complained about hip flexor and foot pain... they let me use lighter weights... but nothing was done about the pain. CONSTERNED.
Saturday 07/14: 37.2 miles, 2:19, 16 mph average. River Trails to base onf 39 and back. Woke up a tad too late, and it was already uncomfortably hot when I got on the bike, but overall a nice, chill ride. Tried to keep HR in the 140's and 150's, most successful with one exception to get past a large, obnoxious troupe of yuppy looking weekend warriors on their expensive bikes. Argh. Mostly pleased with the ride, except that the average mph reading clicked obnoxiously down from 16.1 to 16.0, *just* as I arrived in front of my house. Tried to accelerate up and down the cul-de-sac to make it return to 16.1, but as soon as I hit the brakes to turn into the driveway, it would click back to 16.0. Repeated this exercise irritably a couple of time before giving up. Nevertheless, was pleased with the effort (HR) to speed (avg. mph) ratio for the first time in... a very long time.
Totals: 9 hours and 5 minutes of riding for 138 miles. The whole two days off a week thing is killing me. Also Thursday's implosion. Irritated at lack of increase from last week, but I think I can make a big improvement next week after I get rid of the heavy lifting from PT. Peter came up with a better rehab plan for me to do at the gym :).
4 comments:
I totally understand where you're coming from about being competitive, I used to race old guys on their bikes when I ran, but I guess in a way you just gotta figure out how to handle it all. Back at home now, I guess it's almost good I'm isolated with ALL of my riding, cause all this slow base riding would definitely not fly at the Rose Bowl. I guess, if you can't change your competetive instincts, you can just work on putting yourself in situations where that instinct doesnt take over (such as getting into isolated climbing situations like you said.)
On another note, I wonder if we can try to track the five stages of grief in your log, you know, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance... you've certainly had a bit of "acceptance" in this one...
haha, you know, having grieved for many things over the course of my lifetime, i kinda think that the stages don't really happen in succession, its like all of those things are there at once, its just like, the proportions change.
maybe there's more than usual "acceptance" lately, but I still kinda feel the other ones too :).
also, i've also realized that i do seek out solo training most of the time... its easier running, cuz i prefer those rugged mountain trails where you only really see hikers anyways... but its hard to find good riding without competitors :) i think i'll do more random adventuring around the chevy chase area though, people don't seem to go up there as much cuz the Rose Bowl and the angeles crest are so close.
You'll be okay.
Sweet potatoes are good for you.
I love you Megumi.
I spent half my ride home last night convinced I had a slow-leak puncture in my rear tire and I really didn't want to have to change it... but I think it was just my extra-heavy panniers. The stress probably took like a month off my life though.
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